Survival of the Heart Sarah's Story
by Tigereye77
Summary: Sarah reflects on Tom and Anya's relationship.


**Here in the US, we're about to get the first episode of Series 2 tonight. After reading fan fiction and spoilers, I do know what ultimately happens to Sarah, but I thought it might be interesting to get into her head a bit over the whole Tom/Anya issue. And strangely, Abby wound up a lot in this even though I don't particularly like Abby.**

He had never told her she was beautiful. He called her "pretty" once, but that was about it. Tom Price had made it clear, if she wanted someone who would pay her compliments, moon over her, make her feel special, he was not that man. Moreover, she had just found out that he could easily kill her without any regrets.

Sarah slowly curled into herself after Tom had stalked out of her room. She rubbed her throat, still feeling his hand squeezing the life out of her.

It had been foolish and reckless to out Anya to Samantha's men, but Sarah had to protect herself. She couldn't be tied to Bob forever and she definitely didn't want to live under Samantha's dictatorship. What she told Tom was also true, she didn't want to leave him. But all that had gone terribly wrong.

She thought she had him, that he cared for her more than he would admit. Hadn't he just gotten beaten for attempting to stop Gavin from taking her away? Didn't that prove he had feelings for her?

Whatever those feelings were are gone now, Sarah realized. Maybe Tom would have defended her. Maybe he would have gone after her if they had taken her away. But he would not forgive her for betraying Anya and now it was Anya that Tom was chasing after. Not her.

When she had first arrived at the house, she had been greeted with wary curiosity, but friendliness. Najd had immediately dragged her off to look at his beloved chickens. The others were kind, but distant, she noticed. She wondered what Greg had told them about her, but soon found out he had said very little. Just that she had been staying at the warehouse with a man named Bob who had an accident and died. So the weeks had passed and Sarah, while not completely an outsider, was not one of the group. It suited her for now because it provided her with an opportunity to assess her fellow survivors.

Before the virus, Sarah had been used to a pampered lifestyle provided by some man. Whether it was a father or lover taking care of her, work was not something she was used to, but now was forced to do as they went on their daily gathering trips. She preferred going on such trips with one of the men figuring they would be the most useful if they ran into trouble and to better gauge who she would finally select as her lover and protector.

She quickly figured out that Greg would not do. As he showed at the warehouse, he had some stodgy sense of honor. While he might have found her physically attractive, he was too focused on other things to be malleable in her hands. She also hated going out scavenging with him because he actually expected her to work and while he never raised his voice, with a look or a sarcastic word, he would reprimand her sharply like some parent chastising a lazy child. She realized she couldn't simply fake working around him and probably little else. He was no fool and unlikely to be manipulated by her. So Greg was out.

Al showed promise. He was one of the ones who had easily accepted her and like Sarah, was unaccustomed to hard work. He was definitely the best person to go out with as he liked many of the same things she did and didn't mind if Sarah wandered off the shopping list to look at makeup or clothes. But Al was always around Najd who acted like some tiny conscience to the man and who wanted a man who could be influenced by a kid?

Tom was the one. Not only was he strong and powerful, a man who could easily protect her, but Sarah was extremely attractive to him. She caught glimpses of his muscular body as he walked to his room in the morning after washing up. She had caught him watching her a few times and saw that appreciative light in his eyes that she knew so well. He was attracted to her. While she learned quickly Tom Price was not a man who could be manipulated, he was too tempting not to go after. There was just one problem. Anya.

She was certain Tom didn't realize it himself, but she would catch him now and then staring at the other woman while she was unaware. His look was beyond the ones he had given her. It was more intense and something Sarah had never seen before. Sarah had heard the story about how they met. Anya had found him hurt along the side of the road and then Abby and Greg came upon them. They were strangers before all this happened, but yet there was this connection between them.

Sarah noticed that while Tom didn't say much, he seemed to talk quite a bit with Anya. There was one time she heard them in the exercise room early in the morning. She stood by the door and listened to their low murmur of voices. She couldn't make out what exactly they were saying, but she was surprised by how much Tom was talking, he who rarely said anything unless it was necessary.

Anya had been hard for Sarah to read. In her mind, she had nicknamed the other woman "Mona Lisa" after the famous painting. Sarah knew Anya had secrets, yet she hid behind that calm face and enigmatic smile.

Sarah could step back and assess other women. It was actually a strength of hers, being able to coolly do that and not let her own ego get in the way. It made it easier to figure out how to get rid of the competition and Anya was definitely competition. But for the life of her, Sarah couldn't figure out why.

Anya was pretty in her own way, but nothing outstanding, in Sarah's opinion. Short, barely taller than Najd with large eyes that she would have called "Bette Davis" eyes after an old song her father liked. It was obvious she was popular with the other survivors. Willing to work, uncomplaining, friendly, caring, everyone seemed very fond of her. Greg liked Anya for her willingness to work hard and her clear thinking. Abby seemed to look upon her as a younger sister. She played with Najd and could sit there listening to him prattle on for hours about those chickens. She never criticized Al and laughed at his jokes.

And Tom. Sarah could tell he was drawn to her and it went beyond gratefulness in helping him that time they met. While he didn't exactly follow Anya around, his eyes did. Small things that no one else noticed added up to a smitten man. There was this one time that they were all in the kitchen, putting away some supplies. Anya was over by the sink with Abby just a few feet away from her. Sarah was at the kitchen table with Al and Najd and Tom was across the room by the doorway discussing something with Greg. Suddenly Anya had let out a yelp of pain. Before anyone could move, even Abby who was a mere few feet away from Anya, Tom was by her side, bending over her, his large body sheltering her smaller one as he looked at her hand.

Sarah blinked and wondered how he had gotten over there so quickly. Abby was still in mid-turn when Tom just appeared next to Anya.

"It's nothing," Anya said as she held her bleeding hand over the sink, sounding more exasperated than hurt. "It's just a small cut. There's a piece of sharp metal sticking out on that lantern."

"A small cut can lead to infection," Tom chastised as he bent over to look more closely at her hand. He took the damp clothe Abby handed to him and gently wiped away the blood. Sarah could see him purse his lips in what may have been distress as he closely examined the minor injury.

"It's not a deep cut," Abby said as she got a better look at it. She smiled at Tom and Anya. "Probably just needs some disinfectant and a band aid."

"We can't be too careful now," Tom frowned at Abby, as though she was treating this too lightly. He was still holding Anya's wrist and unconsciously crowding her against the sink, as though he was trying to shield her with his own body, but from what, Sarah had no idea. It was just a bloody cut on her hand, not an attack by zombies.

"Tom," Anya sighed gently. "Abby's right, it's not bad. I'll just put a band aid over it. It'll be fine." Sarah could see him give Anya a hard look but some type of silent communication went on between them and she noticed some tension go out of Tom's body. She also noticed that Anya had covered the hand on her wrist with her other hand. He nodded sharply.

"I'll help you. Come on." Still holding Anya's wrist, he led her out of the room to the where they kept the medical supplies.

"If I ever get hurt, someone please make sure Tom doesn't play nurse for me," Al quipped. Everyone laughed, but Sarah who looked at the doorway where the couple had disappeared through and stared thoughtfully after them.

Other things began to trouble Sarah. How Tom would always make sure his seat was next to Anya's at mealtimes. Their private conversations and Tom's frequent willingness to be Anya's scavenging partner. What bothered her the most was the silent communication between them. They seemed to say more to each other with a simple look than all the words Tom has ever said to her.

But while it was obvious Tom had feelings for Anya, Sarah wasn't so sure they were reciprocated which meant she still had a chance. She had to move quickly before something more developed. Going to Samantha's was the perfect opportunity. She would have Tom away from Anya and all to herself. She was actually surprised that Tom was so willing to leave the other woman behind and thought maybe his attachment to Anya wasn't that strong. It was time to step up her campaign.

The sex had been incredible. Tom knew how to make a woman feel good but after a few times, Sarah noticed there was something lacking. She couldn't even call it lovemaking because while Tom seemed to enjoy it that was about it. There was sex, but there was no intimacy and that threw Sarah. All her previous lovers, good or bad, she could always tell there was some deeper emotion for them, some attachment. For Tom, there simply wasn't. It wasn't even fun, casual sex for him. It was, and Sarah was being brutally honest with herself, as though he had an itch he couldn't reach and Sarah had scratched it for him. It was very "Thank you, now have a nice day." She had no control over Tom and sometimes, she felt little better than a prostitute.

They never talked or discussed things. In fact, after they began sleeping with each other, he seemed more inclined to be around Anya, to hold those little private conversations they always had more often. It was only the nights that Sarah had his attention and talking was the last thing they did.

It bothered Sarah immensely. In the past, the man should have been completely besotted with her now, willing to indulge in her whims. If anything, Tom seemed even more surly and dismissive. She also had the uncomfortable feeling that should she threaten to withhold sex, something that normally knocked a man back into line, Tom would merely shrug and walk away. And Sarah didn't want to give up the sex. She enjoyed it too much plus, it made her feel closer to Tom.

Uncomfortably, she realized she was falling for Tom and falling very hard.

And where was Anya in all this? Still being Mona Lisa.

Oh, Sarah had no doubts that Anya knew what was going on, Sarah made sure of it. Anya's bedroom was not far from Tom's and one evening as they all were gathered in the parlor talking, Sarah had dragged Tom upstairs to his room. Sarah had heard Anya mention to Abby that she intended to turn in early that night having had a tiring day. Tom had willingly followed Sarah and didn't notice when she left his room door cracked open.

Even as they had sex, Sarah kept her ears open and could hear Anya's familiar step. She began to moan Tom's name loudly and made sure they made as much noise possible. She heard Anya pause for several seconds and then the door to her room open and shut. The satisfied smile Sarah wore on her face a minute later had more to do than with the sex she just had.

And still no reaction from Anya. The next morning, she greeted both Tom and herself as she normally did. No wounded eyes or indignation. Just her usual smile and serene air.

It drove Sarah mad as did Tom's continued indifference.

One day, she was getting dressed in Tom's room. He had already gone to wash up, and she was taking her time. As she swung her sweater around to put it on, the sleeve knocked a book off of Tom's night stand. She bent over to pick it up and realized a paper had fallen out. Curious, she unfolded it and saw it was one of those color plate pictures torn out of an art book. The picture was of a painting of a woman with reddish hair and large eyes. With a start, Sarah saw the strong resemblance to Anya. Her lips pressed tightly together as she realized the significance of this. She quickly re-folded the picture and tucked it back into the book and replaced it on the table.

Then she had stumbled across them engaged in some type of intense conversation in Tom's room. He had barked at her to get out and while she had shuffled away, by standing in a certain spot in the hallway, she could see the pair reflected in a mirror in Tom's room. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she saw Anya reach out and touch Tom's cheek. She could see how he sank into her touch and the look of peace and some other emotion on his face, something beyond lust or desire. Sarah never saw that expression when she touched Tom.

More and more, she realized she was losing any type of hold on Tom, if she ever had it. When John had taken Anya, Sarah thought she had caught a break, but quickly realized that none of the others would simply let her go, nevermind Tom. While they had all been discussing what could have happened, Tom was already preparing to go after her. He expressed surprise seeing them still sitting around in the parlor.

"Well?" he had barked out. "They've got a lead on us and we aren't doing Anya any good sitting on our arses."

When the others had returned she knew something had happened. She had been used to Tom's indifference to her in front of the others but he came back different. He was more protective of Anya, sheltering her as they walked into the house, ignoring her, Sarah, altogether. As far as she could see, Anya looked shaken, but unhurt. Had something happened?

Al provided her with the answer.

"I swear, Tom Price can be one scary bloke," he told her later that night. He recounted how they had gone to the church and John had held a knife to Anya's throat. He described Tom's swift and vicious attack, a fait accompli before anyone had known what happened. Much like Tom moving across the room when Anya had cut her hand, Sarah thought. There before anyone else could move or realize what was going on.

"He was going to kill that crazy guy," Al continued. "If Anya hadn't stopped him, John would have been really talking to God only this time, it would be face to face." Al paused and then said jokingly. "Remind me to stay on Anya's good side because I swear, she's about the only one who seems to be able to control Tom."

That night, Tom hadn't wanted to sleep with her. Instead, Sarah had to endure watching him knock gently on Anya's door and go into her room. Oh, they didn't have sex. Sarah knew that because she could hear the low murmur of voices coming from within. No, there wasn't sex, but she suspected there was something far more intimate going on. About an hour later, Tom came out of Anya's room and Sarah watched as he gently closed the door after him and then touch it with his hand. He turned and found himself face to face with Abby.

"Anya alright?" Abby asked as she looked at Anya's closed door.

Tom leaned against the door and folded his arms across his chest. "She's sleeping now. It was pretty scary so I thought I'd check up on her." From his position, it was clear he wasn't going to let Abby disturb Anya.

Abby nodded. "Looks like we had the same idea. How's she doing?"

"Okay for now, but I think she's blaming herself for some of this mess."

"Why?"

Tom shrugged. "She thinks she should have done something sooner for John when she realized how sick he was. She's also concerned how people knowing she's a doctor might make her a target and she's worried that could be a threat to the rest of us. I can't say that I disagree with her. Once people, like Samantha Willis find out that Anya's a doctor, they're going to want her."

Abby sighed and nodded. "I agree. Samantha made it clear that one thing they're lacking is medical personnel. I can't say that we've run across anyone with Anya's skills and knowledge. At best, people only have basic first aid." She rubbed her forehead. "We're going to have to make sure that everyone understands that they can't reveal to anyone what Anya is. It not only puts her in jeopardy, but all of us as well because we won't let her go without a fight unless she really wants to."

"No one is taking Anya," Tom declared flatly with more than a bit of menace in his voice.

Sarah saw Abby glance at him sharply. She hesitated a moment before saying next. "Tom," she began carefully. "I hope you understand that all of this, the virus, people dying, has been traumatic for everyone, but especially Anya. She's a doctor and to see everything you've believed in and dedicate yourself to doing, saving lives, all for go for naught, it's really impacted her a great deal." Tom said nothing, but simply stared at Abby. "What I'm trying to say is that Anya is fragile in some ways and she shouldn't be pushed too hard."

"I'm not pushing her."

Abby frowned for a moment and she tilted her head to the side as she regarded Tom's stony expression. Slowly, she smiled. "No. You're right. You haven't pushed her. I'm not sure why, but I get the feeling that you probably understand Anya better than the rest of us." She patted Tom's arm. "Good night."

Sarah watched Tom watch Abby walk down the hall. He gave Anya's closed door one more glance before he went into his own room. After he had shut his door, Sarah closed her own door and leaned against it.

Every second she was losing ground to Anya. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought Anya had brilliantly planned all this, but she knew that wasn't it. Tom simply was in love with the other woman.

Things had shifted even more after that incident with John. They still slept together, but Tom lacked any of the enthusiasm he had before. She could tell he was tiring of her and he continued to be drawn closer to Anya, they all did. With the revelation she was a doctor, it felt as if some barrier had fallen and she opened herself up more to the group and they had lovingly welcomed that opportunity to get closer to her. And Sarah could feel herself become more and more of an outsider.

Then Samantha and her men had arrived and Sarah made her bargain with Gavin. Take Anya instead of her. They were all furious with her, and Tom would have killed her. She's not sure why he stopped but suspected that had he killed her, Anya wouldn't have liked it and Tom knew that. So he had held back. Sarah had no doubts that Tom releasing her had anything to do with anything they shared. It was Anya once again controlling his actions.

As the men went off after Anya, she was left alone with Abby and Najd. The boy was sulking in his room and Abby paced worriedly in the courtyard. Sarah approached her hesitantly.

"I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt," Sarah mumbled.

"Didn't you?" Abby snapped back. "You not only sold Anya out, but you put all of us in jeopardy. You had to know that we weren't going to just sit back and let them take her."

"But they weren't going to hurt Anya!" Sarah cried out. "She's valuable to them! They needed her and she could go and do what she's meant to do, be a doctor. She would be fine with them."

Abby looked at her incredulously. "By force! Anya didn't want to go. My God, Sarah! We took you in, we looked out for you and what do you do? You turn around and sell one of us out. And Anya, who's never done a single thing to hurt anyone."

"She's hurt me," Sarah muttered.

"What?" Abby looked at her with disbelief. "What are you on about? When did Anya ever hurt you?" But Sarah had turned away and shuffled off into the house. Abby dismissed her and glanced worriedly down the road, praying for some sign of the others.

When Tom returned, Sarah heard his step on the stairs. She had hurried out into the hallway, but he had stared right through her and gone directly to Anya's room. He knocked on her door but there was no answer.

"She's out back," Sarah called out helpfully.

As if he didn't believe her, he opened Anya's door and looked around before hurrying towards the stairs to go outside.

"Tom, please, let me explain-," Sarah began as she stepped in his path. Tom simply brushed past her and continued on down the stairs.

Sarah raced over to her bedroom window and looked down into the yard. A few seconds later, Tom emerged and he headed directly towards the small figure regarding the pool of water in the old fountain. They talked for several moments and Tom reached out to put his arm around Anya in a gesture far more caring than any he had shown her, Sarah. After a few minutes he led Anya back into the house and she heard them shortly afterwards in the hallway with Tom giving Anya a few instructions about not packing too much to take with her.

Sarah had waited a while, listening as everyone hastily gathered the necessities and took them downstairs to the two cars waiting. She finally mustered up her courage and took her bags down. When she walked out into the yard, she saw Tom, unsurprisingly, looming protectively over Anya again. Their eyes met and Sarah saw that any ounce of feeling he might have had for her was gone. She might as well been some bug on the windshield of his car.

"Are you coming with us?" Abby asked, distracting Sarah from the other couple.

"If it's alright."

Sarah rode with Greg and Abby. While she knew they didn't want her with them anymore than the others, both were too decent to say otherwise. Everyone also knew that Tom wanted nothing to do with her and Abby thought it was wise to make sure Anya didn't have to deal with her either.

But sooner or later she would and it was that evening as Anya sat propped up against the wall trying to read that Sarah attempted to apologize.

Sarah didn't know what to expect, but when Anya didn't even really express much anger, it didn't surprise her too much. Her willingness to accept and understand the flaw of others was part of what made her so well-liked. Even so, Sarah detected more than a bit of an edge to Anya's voice.

She tried to make her understand. "I couldn't lose Tom. But I think I lost him anyway."

Anya sighed and Sarah saw pity enter her eyes. So she elaborated. "You must know how he feels about you. He likes you the way you like him."

For the first time, Sarah saw Anya flustered and uncomfortable. Anya quickly put the conversation to an end, but not before Sarah saw something in Anya's face that went beyond her usual serene and closed off look. Anya did feel something for Tom, no matter how much she wanted to deny it. And with that Sarah knew any faint hope she may have had for holding onto Tom disappeared. If Tom ever knew that there was a chance with Anya, that his feelings were returned in any way, he would never give up on her. He would pursue her with the dogged determination and intensity of a man completely in love and in the end, she knew Anya would give in to Tom. She was already half-way there.

Sarah moved herself away from Anya who was already turning out her light and settling in. As Sarah rolled over onto her side, she stared out into the darkness and realized how alone she was. More and more she had separated herself from these people and for what? A man who had never shown her any true affection and was in love with someone else. A man who could kill her with no remorse or thought and the only thing holding him back from that was likely the disapproval from her rival. What did she have now but the disdain of everyone and a sleeping bag for one.

Sarah sighed as she tried to snuggle down further into her makeshift bed. Survival was hard in this new world, but the survival of one's heart was even harder.


End file.
